Christmas Steve
Christmas Steve
Ep 2 - Put Yourself Out There
Ep 2 - Izzy attends the Whitefish Bay Tree Lighting Ceremony in hopes of Making Merry with Christmas Steve. Things are looking up!
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Production
Created (and voiced) by real life husband-and-wife Anne Gregory (Parks And Rec) & Sean Casey (Hollywood Darlings).
Sound Design, Editing & Mixing - Landon Kirksey
And featuring the voice talents of:
Izzy Casey - Anne Gregory
Christmas Steve - Patrick McIntyre (The List)
Ben Douglass - Sean Casey
Susan Casey - Jen Burton (I’m Sorry)
Margaret Casey - Julie Brister (Goliath)
Brendan Casey - Dave Theune (I Am Not Okay With This)
Various - Landon Kirksey (TripTank)
Christmas Steve was recorded October 2020, with each voice actor performing remotely. Series Producer, Landon Kirksey , coordinated performance footage taken on phones, from inside closets, and across three timezones, and blended them together seamlessly to make each scene sound as if it was recorded together. With over 163 pages of scripted material recorded in two-and-a-half weeks, his editing skills are a Real Holiday Miracle.
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Twitter: @Christmas_Pod
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IG: @christmasstevepodcast
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Contact us, if you're Lonely-y!
ChristmasStevePodcast@gmail.com
Christmas Steve - EPISODE 2
INT. CASEY HOME - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON
Izzy, Margaret and Brendan decorate the Christmas tree while singing “The Drummer Boy.”
SFX: crackling fire, instrumental Drummer Boy.
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
Home for the Holidays back in the frosty suburbs of Milwaukee, I, Izzy Casey, had just met the man of my dreams, Christmas Steve, a gorgeous local shop owner who moonlights as our town Santa Clause. I had also run into Ben “shorts-all-year” Douglass, our town vet who I also went to high school with, and who still wears shorts all year. There was ...no comparison. Anyway...
(then)
It was the week before Christmas, so I only had seven days to get Christmas Steve to fall madly in love with me. Sounds reasonable, right? I just needed a plan. I needed advice. What I had was... my family. We were in the living room, decorating the tree. And I really felt for that tree, valiantly struggling not to collapse underneath the weight of my family’s Christmas enthusiasm.
Susan knits while surrounded by a massive pile of yarn.
EVERYONE
(singing)
Pa-rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.
BRENDAN
(operatic)
Me and my druuuuuuu--
IZZY
(trying to get him to stop holding the note)
Dad!
SUSAN
Dad!
BRENDAN
--uuuum!
(then)
I can’t help it. It’s the Christmas spirit coursing through my veins.
(then)
And speaking of ‘coursing through veins’, Jerry Symanski starts chemo today. Again. He probably won’t make it.
IZZY
I don’t remember him and that’s very sad.
MARGARET
Here’s your laundry, Izzy.
IZZY
I’ve been home for twenty four hours. Where did you--thank you.
SUSAN
Hey dingus, look what’s on the tree - your old second grade photo ornament.
IZZY
Awww. Susan. Look at that cute little Sally Jesse Raphael.
SUSAN
Yeah. Oh here’s one of mine.
Susan holds up a homemade photo ornament: Teen Goth Susan. All black. Brooding. Half shaved head.
IZZY
You were so emo!
SUSAN
Gaze into the abyss that was... sophomore year!
They giggle. Izzy continues to hang ornaments.
SFX: tree branch rustling. Ornament jingle.
IZZY
Hey, Susan, do you remember a Steve somebody from your grade?
SUSAN
She said casually out of nowhere.
IZZY
C’mon. Do you?
SUSAN
You must be talkin’ about Steve Anderson. Santa? Owns that sausage shop on Main?
IZZY
(correcting)
Charcuterie. But, yeah.
SUSAN
What do you want to know about him? Other than what everyone already knows.
IZZY
Which is?
SUSAN
That he’s perfect. He’s like the Beyoncé of men.
IZZY
Well, I think he asked to meet up with me tonight.
SUSAN
As if! Wait, that actually kinda checks out. He always did have a thing for me.
IZZY
I doubt that.
SUSAN
Pfft. A lot of dudes wanted to get with this back then, but I was too busy climbing to the summit of First Chair Cello Mountain.
IZZY
Do you remember shorts-all-year Ben?
SUSAN
Yeah. I think he’s a vet now. Animal kind, not the pew-pew kind. - but back to Steve. The burning chunk’a hunka.
IZZY
When I met him yesterday he seemed... nice.
SUSAN
(amused)
‘Nice?’
IZZY
Yeah... nice.
SUSAN
(teasing)
Ooh! You like him! You want to marry him and kiss him and then ask him on a first date.
IZZY
Susan, those things would be in the opposite order.
SUSAN
Not at the rate your heart’s going, Speed Racer. Just promise me I get to choose my Maid of Honor dress. My boobs are huge and only a handful of dresses do these puppies justice. Ruff ruff! That’s my boobs. I’m making them bark.
IZZY
Ugh. Go away. You’re so gross.
SUSAN
Me and my yabbos ain’t goin’ nowhere.
IZZY
Go away!
SFX: sibling slap fight
MARGARET
Girls! Stop fighting! Susan stop touching yourself.
SUSAN
Izzy has a crush and it’s on Santa Claus!
IZZY
Do not!
SUSAN
Do too! She wants ta do this with Santa! Mwah-wah-mmm. Smoochie-smoochie.
Susan puts her hand in the sock she’s knitting and pretends to make out with it.
IZZY
SHUT UUUUUUUP!
Izzy attacks her sister with a throw pillow.
SFX: pillow fight. Tree shake. Tinkle crash.
SUSAN
Stop throwing ornaments!
BRENDAN
Children, your eggnog is on the piano. The piano my mother got the night before her father died.
Struck, the sisters stop fighting.
IZZY
Dark, Dad. Real dark.
EXT. WHITEFISH BAY TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT
SFX: Whitefish Bay theme music
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
A few hours later it was time for the town tree lighting ceremony. If Whitefish Bay is adorable during the day, it’s a Winter wonderland at night, twinkling with lights. As cheesy as it is, the whole town turns out for the lighting of the tree. There’s a stage and music - you can hear the kids singing. There’s even a lift doo-hickey that takes someone to the top of the tree to place the star on top. We found a spot amongst the crowd where I scoped the area for signs of Christmas Steve.
The entire area twinkles with lit Christmas decorations. Townspeople watch a children’s choir sing “Jingle Bells.”
Izzy, Susan, Brendan and Margaret are all bundled up, watching the choir. Everyone except Izzy is singing.
SUSAN/BRENDAN/MARGARET
(singing)
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way--
IZZY
Dad, you don’t have to harmonize.
SUSAN/BRENDAN/MARGARET
(singing)
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
BRENDAN/MARGARET
(harmony)
In a one-horse open sleeeeeigh!
SFX: scattered, appreciative mittened clapping in response.
BRENDAN
Thank you. It’s nothing.
IZZY
(mortified)
DAD!
SUSAN
Uh-oh, Izzy. Your luv-uh is about to speak.
SFX: Steve clearing throat over mic w/ light echo/reverb.
IZZY
He’s not my lover.
SUSAN
Not yet!
STEVE
Welcome, everyone. Guess I’m not used to this whole microphone thing. It’s a bit Hollywood for me...
CROWD
You can do it!/ We love you!
Steve effortlessly turns up the charm.
STEVE
But this town is worth it. Each one of you... is worth it.
He has this crowd in the palm of his hand.
STEVE
I’m Steve Anderson. Born here, raised here. There’s my shop.
He points.
STEVE
And some people say I’m pretty tight with Santa Clause.
Knowing chuckles from crowd.
STEVE
But I have a secret. Here goes... confession time - I love our little town. And I love Christmas. And I think if you get to know me, you’ll understand why.
Steve keeps talking in the background.
SUSAN
Ohmigosh, Izzy. You want to have like eighty of his babies.
Izzy elbows her.
SUSAN
Ow!
STEVE
--So it turns out being a sustainable housing architect in Manhattan wasn’t my destiny, but saving our Main Street from overdevelopment was. But I’m getting ahead of myself--
SUSAN
He’s totally flooding your basement right now.
IZZY
Shut it!
STEVE
-- And two tours later I came back from Afghanistan. I’d like to find someone special I can finally open up to about that experience--
SUSAN
So that’s what a hero looks like. Me likey.
IZZY
Stop talking NOW!
STEVE
-- carpentry has given me a lifelong passion for the craft of Making ... Especially making a difference.
IZZY
(to Susan)
Okay, how do I look? I need you to lie to me right now.
SUSAN
You look French.
IZZY
(touched)
Thank you.
STEVE
-- So now every summer, alongside my father, we re-plant those forests in the hopes that one day everyone can have a homegrown Christmas tree like I did.
People wipe away tears. The entire town’s in love with Steve.
STEVE
But enough of this guy! How about we light up this beautiful tree? Who’s ready to make these holidays bright?
The whole crowd applauds. Brendan applauds a little too loud.
BRENDAN
Brava!
STEVE
Almost forgot. First let’s hear from our main sponsor, North Shore Vet’s Ben Douglass.
IZZY
Ugh. Shorts-all-year Ben.
Ben awkwardly steps up to the microphone.
BEN
Thank you. It’s ‘Dr.’ Ben Douglass, actually. Thanks.
Ben fiddles with the microphone, re-adjusting the stand from Steve’s height down to his.
SFX: mic fuddling
BEN
One sec. Mic stand’s set up for a very tall man...which I am not.
Izzy rolls her eyes.
BEN
Okay! On this joyful occasion North Shore Veterinary Clinic has a special message for all of you: Spay and neuter your pets.
MARGARET
Huh.
IZZY
Oh no...
BEN
A white Christmas might be beautiful, but it has a much more sinister side.
IZZY
Read the room, Ben.
BEN
As we celebrate Yuletide, another ‘tide’ is coming in - countless litters of unwanted puppies and kittens arriving to die in our harsh Wisconsin winters - their small cuddly bodies freezing into furry snow angels in the unforgiving cold.
Gasps from the crowd, followed by murmurs.
BEN
But there is hope. Together we can spend the holidays alongside our beloved pet friends, caring for them in the best way possible, by surgically removing their reproductive organs. Now who’s with me?!
Stunned silence.
IZZY
Wow. Just wow.
SUSAN
I mean, he’s not wrong.
Steve hops up to the mic, mercifully cutting Ben off.
SFX: three quick steps on wooden stage. Mic grab.
STEVE
(to Ben)
I gotcha, bud.
(over mic)
Dr. Ben Douglass of North Shore Vets, everyone! We love our pets!
BEN
Wait, I had more.
SFX: scattered applause. Pitch pipe. The Children’s Christmas Choir immediately sings “Joy to the World” again.
STEVE
Light it up!
SFX: Big switch pull & light up. Ooos & ahhs.
BRENDAN/MARGARET
(singing along too loudly)
Let every heart prepare Him room
And Heaven and nature sing
And Heaven and nature sing
Izzy sees Steve chatting with some townspeople.
SUSAN
Izzy, what’s the plan for Christmas Steve?
IZZY
Keep it simple. You stay here. I’m going to break me off a piece of that gingerbread man... as fast as I can.
SUSAN
Okay - you got this, lady. He’s right over there. Just dial up the confidence and dial down the dork.
IZZY
(fired up)
Okay. Okay! ‘Dial down the dork!’
IZZY (V.O.)
I walked towards Steve. A woman on a mission. I just had to get past the crowd.
SFX: walking through crowd.
IZZY
Excuse me. Pardon me. Hi.
SFX: her walking up to, and past, knots of people in conversation.
Ben pops out of the crowd, halting her progress.
BEN
Hey, Liz!
IZZY
Ben?
BEN
Did you hear my speech? I think I did okay. Had a chunk about doggie dental health I didn’t get to-- those stocking stuffer chew toys are silent killers-- but how do you think it went? Total honesty.
IZZY
Slow motion freight train wreck.
BEN
But a ‘freight’ train wreck not a ‘passenger’ train, so minimal loss of life, right?
(then)
That was a joke. Yeah, it was awful.
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
I was almost there. I could see Steve ten feet away, with his lustrous mane of auburn hair framing his perfectly symmetrical face.
BEN
--I just think it’s being too easy on kids to always put the elf on a shelf, you know? Who’s to say that elf can’t be anywhere? Like, let’s get wild with it, right?
(then)
Izzy?
Ben gives her a nervous smile.
IZZY
I... gotta go. See you around, Shorts-All-Year-Ben.
Izzy walks away, toward Steve.
BEN
(yelling after her)
Come on! I’m wearing pants right now!
EXT. TREE LIGHTING PLATFORM
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
I pushed through the last of the crowd to arrive right behind him.
SFX: five steps with abrupt stop
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
I tapped on his shoulder.
SFX: magic tap. Magic tap.
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
Here goes everything. Don’t be a dork, Izzy. Be the confident full-grown woman you are!
IZZY
Seasons Greetings, Christmas Steven.
STEVE
Hey. Izzy.
IZZY
That’s my name. Don’t wear it out-side because it’s a name not a coat.
(then recovering)
Cool speech.
STEVE
Thanks.
IZZY
So, what’s going on? All done lighting up the town?
STEVE
Almost. One last thing. Gotta ride this bucket of bolts--
SFX: double metal clang as he pats the scissor lift
STEVE
--up to the top of the tree to place that star.
IZZY
The scissor lift?
STEVE
(impressed)
Oh, you know it.
IZZY
Steven. Of course I do. I mean, I’m not a nard about it, buuut I’m comfortable around...big equipment.
STEVE
Then you know you probably don’t want to lean on--
IZZY
I’m not afraid. Big tough machines don’t intimidate me.
STEVE
No, you really --
IZZY
(mocking)
“Oh you really”.
SFX: button click. Pneumatic engine powering up.
IZZY
Stevie, what are we going to do with you?
STEVE
Izzy, you pushed the power button with your butt--
IZZY
Hush. Let me talk for a second. You and I had a connection earlier today, despite our little coffee-spill kookiness.
SFX: lever pull. Slow engine-rising sound. ‘going up’
IZZY
But I’m a serious woman and we should take the possibility of the two of us... seriously.
STEVE
Izzy, you’re rising up.
IZZY
I mean, I feel like it. Each time I own my feminine power. So what do you say. How about YOU take ME out TONIGHT.
STEVE
Izzy, don’t move.
IZZY
Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhERE...!
SFX: engine ‘going up sound’
IZZY
My belt! It’s hooked on my belt!
SFX: a few gasps.
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
There I was, getting pulled up into the air by a scissor lift hooked into my belt, and, YES, my underwear.
IZZY
Oh no, wedgie. WEDGIE! Please make it stop.
SFX: Clunk - emergency engine kill sound.
STEVE
Okay, you’re not that high. We’ll get you down.
SFX: gentle swinging/creaking from the lift as Izzy hangs there.
IZZY
Get me down...or kill me. I’ll take either right now.
(to crowd)
Hi. How’r ya doin’? Good to see you.
SFX: small crowd gasps/ohs!
STEVE
(smiling through cupped hands)
You’re going to be okay, Izzy. I need to touch you to get you down. Is that okay, if I--
IZZY
-- Yes! You have my enthusiastic consent to touch me anywhere!
BEN
(running in)
Izzy! IZZY!
IZZY
Who’s that running? Ben?
BEN
I got this! I’ll save you-- aaaaah!
IZZY
My pants!
SFX: pants ripping sound. Whump as Ben falls to the ground.
BEN
Um?
SUSAN
He pants’d her!
BEN
Rudolph?
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
That’s when it happened, as I hung there, suspended in the air like an oversized ornament. Ben accidentally pulled down my pants, revealing my Rudolph Christmas underwear. AKA my ‘lucky’ underwear. ‘Lucky’ me.
SUSAN
The sad veterinarian pants’d my sister! Ahahahah!
BEN
I am so sorry, Izzy.
IZZY
(then)
Why does Milwaukee have to be so, so very cold?
STEVE
Izzy, it’s Steve. Are you okay?
IZZY
It’s a real high point, this right now.
CHILDREN’S CHOIR
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,
You’ll go down in historyyyyy!
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
This is my life, my extremely embarrassing life. And, honestly, I don’t remember much after that. The human brain is kind that way, but Steve did eventually manage to get me down and took me to his store to warm me up. Halfway through my tea I was even able to form words again.
INT. PROVISIONS - LATER
SFX: quiet coffee shop. Izzy sips tea.
STEVE
(clears throat)
Soooo...?
IZZY
Physically?... fine. Psychologically? Traumatized for life.
They both laugh.
IZZY
I didn’t want that to be the reason you saw my underwear.
STEVE
(flirting)
You wanted me to see your underwear for another reason?
IZZY
No! Kinda. Yes.
(then)
I mean, not right away but eventually... You could meet Rudolph.
STEVE
How about we back up a few bases and I take you out on a proper date?
IZZY
As long as it’s not too proper.
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
Play it cool, Izzy. Keep it cool.
IZZY
Maybe. Maybe I’ll let you take me out sometime--
STEVE
... Okay....
IZZY
Maybe... if it’s sometime soon. Because maybe you’ve got to hop on this because I’m only home for two weeks and a high percentage of that is committed to family activities, with apportioned time for last minute shopping and returns, so the precise days where we can get together vector successfully only when and if we can commence now.
STEVE
Wow. Sounds like you have this all planned out.
IZZY
No! I mean, a little. I have it a little planned out. But also I’m chill. I can hang. I’m Legit. 2Legit2Quit, except I will never quit. At being legit. Anywho, let me go home and change my whole everything and I’ll see you tonight. It’ll be me, but as a totally different person!
Izzy stands up.
SFX: chair scoot
STEVE
... Great. Pick you up at eight?
IZZY
What?! I mean...It’s a date!
SFX: gingerly walking
IZZY
(low)
Oof, wedgie. Oo. ah.
INT. IZZY’S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - LATER
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
A very slow walk later I was back home and it was time to get ready for our date. And I was ready. In anticipation of finding Holiday Amor, I had packed my all-time, surefire, never-miss sexy dress. And. It. Was.
SFX: unzip sound.
IZZY
Not in my bag. Where is it?! No, sexydress NOOO. I know I packed you. Black sweater, black top, black blazer. Black top. No! Sexydress. You were too sexy for this world!
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
There had to be another option. Now despite my history as a stellar student, over the years I have dabbled in various lewks. There had to be something date worthy here, just waiting for me to rediscover. It was time to enter my childhood closet and to visit with the Ghosts of Fashions Past.
OUTFIT MONTAGE - EACH OUTFIT WILL HAVE CORRESPONDING ‘THEME’ MUSIC AND IZZY NARRATION.
IZZY
Outfit one. “Ready for the Weather”
MUSIC: low, windy deep male voices. LOTR.
IZZY
Fleece. Leggings in layers. Columbia parka. Earflap sherpa hat. Sturdy. Warm. Sexless. I can do better.
IZZY
Option 2. Matching pink velour tracksuit with ‘word butt’ sweatpants. Hell no.
IZZY
Option 3. Double tank. Cargo pants. Studded belt. Converse. Black lipstick. I look like a skater boi and he said, ‘See ya later, boy.’
IZZY
Next up. Little sweater that only covers your shoulders. Giant fake navel piercing. Super low-rise jeans with a thong sticking out. Fedora. Dope.
IZZY
I began to spiral. Denim on denim on denim on wedge sneakers. Bucket hats. Crocs with socks. Vests. Hip huggers. Rompers. Harem pants. Uggs. Ugh.
SFX: closing sliding closet door.
IZZY
You go girl... go back to LA for another year all on your own. Ghosts of Fashions past, I am so Ebeneezer Screwed.
IZZY
I stepped away from the Kanye shutter shades to seek a second opinion. Maybe my sister could help. Yes, I was that desperate.
INT. SUSAN’S ROOM
SFX: knock on door.
IZZY
Susan?
SUSAN
(from inside)
I’m busy!
IZZY
Sorry, it’s an emergency.
SFX: door open.
IZZY
Woof. This place smells like an ESPN zone. Are you skyping?
SUSAN
Shhh!
(to laptop)
You first. No, you first! Okay, I’m hanging up. Byeeee, gotta go.
She slams her laptop shut.
SUSAN
Just hot-talkin’ it up with my boyfriend, Yan.
IZZY
We all know you’re lying. What’s the word for “goodbye” in Dutch?
SUSAN
I wouldn’t know. He’s Danish.
IZZY
Hmmm. Hey, I’m pretty sure I already know the answer, but do you have anything normal I could wear on a date?
SUSAN
(teasing)
Does it have to be able to suspend your body weight? Because there are a lot of other scissor lifts throughout Milwaukee.
IZZY
Unkind, Susan. Unkind.
SUSAN
Wait. I have this dumb dress mom bought me for Cousin Matt’s wedding. Here.
SFX: step step. Closet open sound. Magical Twinkling. (holy sound?)
IZZY (V.O.)
It was little black dress. Simple and sophisticated.
IZZY
God bless us, every one.
SFX: Twinkling Transition
INT. CASEY HOME - ENTRYWAY - NIGHT
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
Moments later I was all dolled up and ready to go.
SFX: Doorbell ring.
IZZY
That’s him. Bye.
SUSAN
Aren’t you going to introduce Steve to the fam?
IZZY
Susan, sweet simple Susan. It’s just a first date. Not a big deal. Tonight’s more about being relaxed, getting to know each other’s authentic selves. Playing it cool... Now hand me that checklist. There’s a Hygiene sub-category--
STEVE
(through door)
Hello?
IZZY
Okay, no time! Bye!
SFX: Front door open and close.
EXT. CASEY HOME - DRIVEWAY
IZZY (V.O.)
I was actually on a date with Christmas Steve and was determined not to mess things up.
IZZY
Hi!
IZZY (V.O.)
He handed me flowers. Not some cheesy mistletoe or anything. Just a single, perfect rose.
STEVE
You look... wow.
IZZY
Thanks, you too.
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
So far, so cool.
IZZY
(nervous)
Where we headed? I’m fine with whatever. Whatevs forevs. That’s my motto.
STEVE
Ha. You’ll have to wait.
IZZY
Why?
STEVE
Because. It’s a secret.
IZZY
... Secrets are fun.
They walk off to his Jeep.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
Okay, full disclosure, it didn’t sound fun to me. I like to know plans ahead of time so I can prepare - no surprises. But this was Christmas Steve and he was filled with Christmas light that was so bright it could light up the dark night. And yes, he was driving me out into the woods and it was far away from town, but I trusted him--
SFX: brakes squeak and tires crunch snow as the Wagoneer pulls to a stop on the side of the road.
IZZY
--We’ve stopped. And now you’re grabbing a backpack?
IZZY (V.O.)
Maybe I trusted him too much?
STEVE
I have something special I want to show you.
IZZY
Can I have a teensy hint?
STEVE
I think you’ll like it. Here, take my hand.
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
...I took his hand. I know. I KNOW. But now’s a good time to point out this all turns out okay, because I am here, telling you this story. We walked a short distance off the road, into the deepening snow and I then I saw it...
MUSIC: Magical, twinkling Christmas music (Dance of the sugar plum faeries)
EXT. POND - NIGHT
IZZY
A beautiful moonlit pond, iced over and nestled amongst white-blanketed hills, the snow creating a hush that felt like the whole world had stopped, frozen in time. Silent. Peaceful.
IZZY
(low)
And cold. Whew.
STEVE
You like it?
IZZY
It’s breathtaking!
(under breath)
On multiple levels.
STEVE
Ha. Maybe this will warm you up.
He snaps his fingers. Christmas lights turn on in all the trees. It’s a twinkling wonderland.
IZZY (V.O.)
He snapped his fingers and the trees illuminated in all their sparkly glory. It was...
TAKE A BREATH TO EASE THIS TRANSITION.
IZZY
...Magic. How’d you do that?
STEVE
(teasing)
Magic.
(then)
They’re also on a timer.
THUNK! A backpack lands at her feet.
STEVE
And a present. Open the backpack.
Izzy opens it and holds up ice skates.
IZZY
Ice skates.
STEVE
Want to go for a spin?
TRANSITION MUSIC:
EXT. POND - MOMENTS LATER
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
Sometimes in life you just have to go for it and trust that you won’t fall, that the ice, for once, won’t crack underneath you. It’s hard when you’re used to questioning everything, examining everything. But sometimes you just have to... believe.
SFX: Ice skating sounds.
STEVE
Whoah. Hey!
IZZY
(Laughs)
STEVE
I’m gonna let go now.
IZZY
Don’t you dare. Wait. Okay, I think.
STEVE
You got it?
IZZY
I’m good.
STEVE
You’re good! She’s good. And she’s fast.
IZZY
I am! (laughs) Here I go. Woo-hoo!
STEVE
Something tells me you’ve done this before.
SFX: skate power skid.
IZZY
Of course I have. Every girl in Wisconsin knows how to ice skate. I just needed to warm up. Take my hand?
STEVE
Yes, ma’am.
SFX: skating sounds with small twinkly music underneath.
IZZY
Oh, it’s snowing.
STEVE
That it is.
SFX: they both skid to a stop.
IZZY
Should we leave?
STEVE
It’s just a little snow. Are you cold?
IZZY
Like I said. I’m just warming up.
STEVE
You’ve got a little snowflake...right...here.
SFX: twinkle sound. Soft kiss
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
He kissed me! HE KISSED ME!
STEVE
Did I get it?
IZZY
Mmm. Yeah, you got it.
SFX: music and kissing again.
STEVE
Good.
IZZY
(Laughs)
STEVE
(Laughs)
WRAP UP MUSIC.
EXT. CASEY HOME - NIGHT
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
We went back to skating and I could feel my heart racing. I never wanted it to end. I could have stayed in his arms all night. But eventually the time and the temperature caught up to us and we reluctantly left.
SFX: car ignition off.
STEVE
I had a nice time tonight.
IZZY
I did, too.
STEVE
I’d really like to see you again, Izzy Casey.
IZZY
I’d really like to see you again, too, Christmas Steve. You’re so pretty.
(recovering)
Pretty good at skate. date. Skatedating.
STEVE
So how do we do this?
SFX: car leather upholstery scrunch. iPhone button clicks.
IZZY
This is me, texting myself on your phone so you have my number.
SFX: bwoop. Text sent.
IZZY
And this is you, agreeing to take me out again. Tomorrow.
STEVE
Tomorrow?
IZZY
It’s Christmas, Christmas Steve. And this time only comes around once a year. We’re on a tight schedule.
STEVE
Okay, okay. You win!
IZZY
Yes?
STEVE
Yes. It’s just usually I take things at a slower pace.
IZZY
Me, too!--
NARRATOR IZZY (V.O.)
--I lied. I’ve never taken anything slow in my life, but I told him--
IZZY
I’m all about the slow. But--
STEVE
But?
IZZY
I’m going back pretty soon, so you...
STEVE
--I better take you out again tomorrow.
IZZY
What a great idea you just had! Now you kiss me goodnight like I didn’t just tell you to do it.
STEVE
Like this?
He goes in for the kiss.
IZZY
(lip locked)
Like this.
STEVE
(lip locked)
Mmm, hmm.
SFX: twinkle sound. Kiss break-off sound.
IZZY
Wow.
(exhales)
And this is me, getting out of the car.
SFX: car door open.
IZZY
See you soon.
STEVE
Izzy...you’re really...something else.
IZZY
Or I’m this. This is me, all the time. Good niiiiiight.
SFX: Car door close. Izzy walks up the steps. Car drives off.
SFX: Front door opens.
INT. CASEY HOME - THRESHOLD
IZZY
(singing to made up tune)
I pulled it off, because I am so cool. I floss with icicles because I am so cool! (Alt: singing
I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Baby, all I want
for Christmas (dramatic pause) is YOUUUUUUUUU!)
MUSIC CUE: possible to use backing track of Mariah Carey song?
She holds the note and takes a bow.
MARGARET (O.S.)
Izzy, is that you? Can you take out the trash?
MUSIC sting.
CUT TO:
EXT. CASEY HOME - DRIVEWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Izzy drags two massive trash bags to the curb.
SFX: clink of glasses on aluminum and dragging of heavy trash cans on sidewalk.
IZZY
(sarcastic impression)
Take the garbage out
(muttering)
Treating me like I’m twelve when I’m home. I’m an adult - I’m a licensed medical professional for chrissakes, but nooo here’s some chores, Izzy.
Ben steps out from behind the hedges at the edge of the property.
SFX: rustling of bushes and walk out.
BEN
Uh, hi. Izzy?
IZZY
AHAHHAHHA!
SFX: dropping garbage cans, battle drop and bounce on cement. far off cat screech.
IZZY
You! It’s YOU.
BEN
Yeah, it’s me. Ben.
IZZY
What the deal, dude? What are you doing here this late at night?
BEN
Um, I felt bad about what I did to you earlier... with your, uh, pants. Pantsing your pants. And I was wondering--
IZZY
--Wait, hold up. You don’t feel bad about it anymore?
BEN
No, of course I do. That’s not what I’m saying. The point is--
IZZY
-- Are you currently feeling bad about lurking in the bushes outside my house, waiting for me? Because that’s a real creeper move.
BEN
I- no, not until you - yes. If you stop talking I can--
IZZY
Don’t you own a phone? You couldn’t text me?
BEN
I don’t have your number.
IZZY
Well, you’re not getting it now.
BEN
If you could just hit pause for one second. I’m trying to apologize.
IZZY
Is this how you apologize? I’d hate to see what your thank you notes look like, bro.
BEN
They’re very personalized and thoughtful! You want to know what your problem is, Liz?
IZZY
Is this still the apology? Because this is the worst attempt at an apology I have ever heard.
BEN
Just give me a chance. Why are you so impossible!
IZZY
YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PANTSED ME!
BEN
And I said I’m sorry, well I tried to say I’m sorry.
(then)
But... you know what your problem is?--
IZZY
-- Oh, here’s the ‘but’... after basically exposing my ‘butt’--
BEN
-- You’ve always been so critical. But I know it’s not about me--
IZZY
-- It is about you--
BEN
-- No, it’s about you. You criticize others, but I bet it’s ‘cause you criticize yourself a hell of a lot more. You were always trying to be so perfect back in high school, ‘Straight A Izzy,’ that you never stopped to see that you already were pretty perfect. You already were the most incredible person I ever met, but you were too hard on yourself to notice it.
IZZY
Well... I don’t know what to say in response to that. Was that said ironically or in earnest or--
SFX: quiet rustling as Ben holds up flower bouquet.
BEN
Here. These flowers were for you. As an apology, and I’m throwing them in the trash because that’s clearly where they belong.
SFX: tossing bouquet on trash.
BEN
I’m out.
SFX: footsteps on cement, walking away.
IZZY (V.O.)
He left and he--
SFX: dog bark in distance.
IZZY
You left your flowers! Should I put them in water, or just have them spayed and neutered?
SFX: rustling of coat. Izzy shivers.
IZZY
(mutters)
What is UP with that guy?
MARGARET
(from inside)
Izzy? IZZY?!
IZZY
COMING!
SFX: Steps back to the house. Door close.
UPBEAT MUSIC OUTTRO - knockoff Mariah Carey?
IZZY (V.O.)
Two bouquets of flowers from two different guys in the same night. What the--
CUE: Hallelujah chorus.
END OF EPISODE 2